yimkin itha ligow 3li hatha il shay will be strong enough ib nisballiha ille yigowimha min hal comma
I hoped for the best...
3li:
I walked while eating a protein bar as a snack. Everytime a car passes by i panic and look the other side so if it was someone i knew they wouldnt recognize me lanna Messila is packed ma3a rab3i.
laffayt wayhi 3ashan i wanted to cross the road bass that was a big mistake. In that moment i knew luck wasnt my friend today. shift rifeeji a7mido ib his platinum colored audi.
a7mad: 3laaw hatha int?
3li: *i tried to look natural as if i was meant to be walking around* h-halla a7mido shlonik??
a7mad: il7mdilillah wint?
3li: zain il 7mdilillah
a7mad: inzain int shyaybik ihnii?
3li: la walla gaam atmasha. haa shlon 7ayatik ka shir6i?
a7mad: walla zaain ma5ith ijaza ana il7een. bass fe a5baar to9ali 3an ashyaa2 yideeda w 3ashan chithe bagoolik 3aib 3alaik! 3aib innik itchathib
3li: shgaam tgool?
a7mad 6ila3 barra il sayara chan ala7ith mashallah sh6oola. he came right infront of me w 7aa6 3aina ib 3aini
a7mad: shgaam agool? 3li ana gaam agool inna adrii feeek!! min7aash laish?! 6ala3t galb ummik w 5ara3t il 3ayla killaha w tis2alni shgam agool??!! 3li laish imsowi chithe int mu ille knt a3arfa rifeeji. laish min7aash?!
3li: a7mdo ma a3ti8id raa7 tabi t3arif laish. itha giltlik bitshufni ka wa7ed galba aswaad bass niyiti ma raa7 itkoon mithil ma tafkeerik bewadeek
a7mad: ana 9ayirli a3arfik 7aag sneen shlon a7kim 3alaik w agoolik 3annik wa7ed moo zain. law shnu itgulii bakoon ihnii mawjood lik
i told him the whole story w min da5il a7is sichacheen tid5aal ib ba6ni. the whole time he was silent and his stare is as if he can stare right into my soul
3li: w il7een i regret it bass madri itha ihee 7ayya ow mayta walla a7mido ifhamni w ifham laish sowait chithe. w ma aloomik law kirahtni
a7mad: ...i7mid rabbik bass w ista'3fir allah. sara 3aysha lail7een bass 3allaaw int shlon itfakir ib hal shay?
3li: ma abeeha it3eesh chithe...
a7mad: w ma fakart ib i7saab allah?
3li:...
a7mad: t3arifni i wont judge you bass lazim tit3alaam min hal shay. yalla ana il7een badig 3ala ummik arayi7 galbha w agulaha ligaytik
3li: la tikfa akeed i3rifow shnu sowait ma asta7mil inna ummi ma tkoon rathya 3alaii
a7mad: mahma kaan hathi ummik ihya awaal wa7da bitkun 3indik yammik bitsa3dik. bas 3li ma raa7 awadeek ihnaak. int ti7taaj il7een ra7a w itha shift sara bit7ushik ilynoon w yimkin 9ij ta5sir roo7ha.
he called ummi w kallamha. she wanted to see me so badly bass gaal inna im in a bad state now w min 9al7i inni artaa7 shway. a7mad 5atha wagt 3ashan yihadeeha chan she agrees with him inna a7taaj ra7a
a7mad: yalla irkib il sayara bitnaam ilyoom ib baytna...
in his house:
ga3adna we watched mission impossible III w a7maad 7asha il noma
a7mad: yalla asta2thin banaam
3li: roo7 naam wayhik im3abir shaklik filim chinna a7ad 6aagi3 ib wayhik =))
i started laughing ma3a
a7mad: agool wint moo mga9ir 3aad shda3wa malik iljamaal
3li: afa 3alaik bass;)
a7mido raa7 naam w ana gi3adt ibroo7i ib 9alaat dara.
siraa7t w gaam afakir ib sara i5tii wla everything went blank...
7assait nafsi inna i cant take control of what im doing.
knt gaam arkith barra bayt a7mido ri7t rikatht lay il shari3 w t3archabt. a jolt of pain went through my body as my knee inshilaa5 bil gaar mal il shari3. i felt blood ooze down my knee but i kept going. i stood in the middle of the road. sayara kanaat yaya ittijaahi i wanted to move but i didnt know how to. its lights where blinding me.
il hirin went crazy chaan yi6ig brake w dash bil r9eef.
simaa3t i9raa5 wla ashoof a7madoo yrakith lii.
kil hal loya rasii faar. shgaam yi9eer feeni??
a word hit my head i knew what was happening i knew what i was going through Ive heard of it
To know that i had this disorder was too much
i fainted...
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
post 4
Now back to Mariam
PS mishtahya a8ayir the color of the writing :D
Gimt min il noom w shift ummi nayma.
knt 3a6shana and i hoped to see a glass of water on the table next to me. laffayt wla ashoof 3li's note.
thinks to self: haaaw? ana ma ra7 akun 8abiya inna a7i6 the note chithe makshoof 7aag kilman chinna its screaming out loud READ ME! 7attan ma shilta min mukana kaan ib mu5ba...
istaw3abt inna ummi ille kanaat ma5tha ihdoomi .
akeed shafita 100%!! i started panicking moo 3arfa shasawii. the minute she gets up btis2alni w il7een sharagi3!!
but i knew that this was the last of my worries...
wain 3li haal walaad wain raa7 3asa ma 9aar fii shay?
_______________________________________________________________
3li
I stopped to rest. the past 24 hours I've been running to God knows where. I keep telling myself inna shnu sawait kaan a7saan 7aag sara bass my conscious kicks in w guilt floods in.
my throat was dry w ba6ni gaam yi8ar8ir min il yoo3
la7atht inne mu makil wla sharib maay for a long time wla intibaht lay wain rayi7!
wigaft to look at any signs around wla ashoof inni 3ind messila
mu wagta... akthaar rab3i 3aysheen ib messila inshallah ma7aad minhum yishufni beriduni 3ind sara and everyone ib 7alti chithe
killa gaam a3ari min reeli
oh well, i ran to the nearest Co-op and went in
Sharayt snacks and water bottles to go. 7mdilillah knt yayib il k-net mali
i swiped, entered my password and continued 6ireeji laay... il9ara7a madri wain.
_________________________________________________________________
2 days later...Mariam's side
5alati la7i'6ow inna 3li is missing w ita9low bil shir6a w gaam yidowroon 3alay.
ummi ma tkalimat 7aag 5alati 3an the note but she did come and face me and this is how it went...
Ummi: yumma 7ayatii do you trust me?
Me: *this is going to be about the note* yes mama bass some things aren't about me so i just keep my mouth shut *na8za about the note*
Ummi: intay 9ajja ib hal shay bass ana ille knt 8al6ana mafrooth...
Me: adrii yumma shiftay the note
Ummi: shloon diraytay?!
Me: theekil marra lamman gmt min ilnoom shifta yammi w ana knt adrii inna ma knt 7a6ita yammi...
Ummi: inzain hatha 8ashmara? maryam goolay il 9ij
Me: *looked down* mama...
Ummi: ya3nii imbala
Me: imbala... bass mama la tit7achayn 3ind 5alati byogaf galbhum!
Ummi: *bites her lip* akeed
After that conversation she just was silent and away from everyone always alone. it was killing me inside but it's life!
6ab3an 5alti amal, um 3li, is going crazy 3ala finding him. kafii inna sara is still in a comma w il7een wildha il wa7eed yithee3!
il police are trying to find recent actions of him, any one who has seen him.
aside from 3li i was thinking of something I've heard.
sima3t somethings that are special to the person in a comma can sometimes wake them up. and i was wondering if that would work 3la sara...
lamman knt ib my mid thoughts 5alti amal dashat 3alaina. her face had relief but anxiety.
5alti amal: ligow shay 3an 3li!
everyone's face lit up to this news.
ummi: w shnu ligow?!
5alti: 6ali3 3indihum inna mista3mil his k-net recently w hatha ya3nii lail7een 7aay w bil q8! il shir6a yayeen il7een w yaybeen il information 3an kil hatha. they're also coming to ask me questions.
my hand is much better and i can use crutches now.
so i took my crutches and went to sara's room.
obviously lail7een bil comma. it's been a daily thing for me to go and tell her everything that's happening. adrii inha tisma3ni i've seen it in true story movies. giltlaha inna ligow recent activity 3an 3li.
then, i felt a light bulb over my head
yimkin itha ligow 3li hatha il shay will be strong enough ib nisballiha ille yigowimha min hal comma
I hoped for the best...
PS mishtahya a8ayir the color of the writing :D
Gimt min il noom w shift ummi nayma.
knt 3a6shana and i hoped to see a glass of water on the table next to me. laffayt wla ashoof 3li's note.
thinks to self: haaaw? ana ma ra7 akun 8abiya inna a7i6 the note chithe makshoof 7aag kilman chinna its screaming out loud READ ME! 7attan ma shilta min mukana kaan ib mu5ba...
istaw3abt inna ummi ille kanaat ma5tha ihdoomi .
akeed shafita 100%!! i started panicking moo 3arfa shasawii. the minute she gets up btis2alni w il7een sharagi3!!
but i knew that this was the last of my worries...
wain 3li haal walaad wain raa7 3asa ma 9aar fii shay?
_______________________________________________________________
3li
I stopped to rest. the past 24 hours I've been running to God knows where. I keep telling myself inna shnu sawait kaan a7saan 7aag sara bass my conscious kicks in w guilt floods in.
my throat was dry w ba6ni gaam yi8ar8ir min il yoo3
la7atht inne mu makil wla sharib maay for a long time wla intibaht lay wain rayi7!
wigaft to look at any signs around wla ashoof inni 3ind messila
mu wagta... akthaar rab3i 3aysheen ib messila inshallah ma7aad minhum yishufni beriduni 3ind sara and everyone ib 7alti chithe
killa gaam a3ari min reeli
oh well, i ran to the nearest Co-op and went in
Sharayt snacks and water bottles to go. 7mdilillah knt yayib il k-net mali
i swiped, entered my password and continued 6ireeji laay... il9ara7a madri wain.
_________________________________________________________________
2 days later...Mariam's side
5alati la7i'6ow inna 3li is missing w ita9low bil shir6a w gaam yidowroon 3alay.
ummi ma tkalimat 7aag 5alati 3an the note but she did come and face me and this is how it went...
Ummi: yumma 7ayatii do you trust me?
Me: *this is going to be about the note* yes mama bass some things aren't about me so i just keep my mouth shut *na8za about the note*
Ummi: intay 9ajja ib hal shay bass ana ille knt 8al6ana mafrooth...
Me: adrii yumma shiftay the note
Ummi: shloon diraytay?!
Me: theekil marra lamman gmt min ilnoom shifta yammi w ana knt adrii inna ma knt 7a6ita yammi...
Ummi: inzain hatha 8ashmara? maryam goolay il 9ij
Me: *looked down* mama...
Ummi: ya3nii imbala
Me: imbala... bass mama la tit7achayn 3ind 5alati byogaf galbhum!
Ummi: *bites her lip* akeed
After that conversation she just was silent and away from everyone always alone. it was killing me inside but it's life!
6ab3an 5alti amal, um 3li, is going crazy 3ala finding him. kafii inna sara is still in a comma w il7een wildha il wa7eed yithee3!
il police are trying to find recent actions of him, any one who has seen him.
aside from 3li i was thinking of something I've heard.
sima3t somethings that are special to the person in a comma can sometimes wake them up. and i was wondering if that would work 3la sara...
lamman knt ib my mid thoughts 5alti amal dashat 3alaina. her face had relief but anxiety.
5alti amal: ligow shay 3an 3li!
everyone's face lit up to this news.
ummi: w shnu ligow?!
5alti: 6ali3 3indihum inna mista3mil his k-net recently w hatha ya3nii lail7een 7aay w bil q8! il shir6a yayeen il7een w yaybeen il information 3an kil hatha. they're also coming to ask me questions.
my hand is much better and i can use crutches now.
so i took my crutches and went to sara's room.
obviously lail7een bil comma. it's been a daily thing for me to go and tell her everything that's happening. adrii inha tisma3ni i've seen it in true story movies. giltlaha inna ligow recent activity 3an 3li.
then, i felt a light bulb over my head
yimkin itha ligow 3li hatha il shay will be strong enough ib nisballiha ille yigowimha min hal comma
I hoped for the best...
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